The Disappearing Act. We have all seen one. The magician covers the rabbit, waves his wand, says the magical word and POOF! The rabbit disappears! We all clap in awe and try to figure out what happened to the rabbit. Has life ever done that to you? You were going along, living your life and then POOF! You are overwhelmed by life and you disappear, leaving your friends wondering what happened to you and where you went. That is what happened to us last year. Although we did not get overwhelmed completely by surprise, it did make us disappear for a few months. But we survived and we’re back!

Overwhelm can come in all shapes and sizes. It does not affect all of us the same way. Some people can bounce back pretty quickly, but for others it takes weeks, months and sometimes even years before they feel ready to appear again. Getting married, having a baby, struggling through a hard semester, changing jobs, moving, having an accident, and losing a loved one is just some of the things that can make you overwhelmed and disappear. We survived three of these in one WEEK!

A Birth

One Friday night last September, a little girl came into our lives and we once again got to experience the joy of birth. Her birth was hard and painful, very different from all of my others. There were some very stressful and scary moments, but two hours later, I lay with her in my arms and thanked God for our peace, our Shiloh. With all of my other babies, I got to have a little time to savor their sweetness before I jumped back into life. But not this time. Monday morning found me resuming some of my other responsibilities and launching full swing into last minute wedding prep. I was greatly overwhelmed that week, but I had a great support person: my mom.

An Accident

My mom came to help us with the birth of Shiloh and with all the wedding prep. She kept me sane that week and helped me think through all the details that needed to come together for the rehearsal dinner that I was in charge of. On Thursday, she drove to Durham (an hour away) to pick up my dad from the airport. The weather was nasty and she was a little late.

There are some phone calls that you will never forget and that you will always dread. This was my third one in a year. “Cherie, I think I totaled my car!” “What? Are you okay? Is anyone with you? Where are you?” My mind raced and my heart pounded as she said she was okay and that no one else was involved. I made her call 911 while I called my dad. Ben got in our car and started to drive over there. He picked up dad and took him to the hospital to be with mom. They spent the rest of the night there while she was checked out. Praise the Lord that there was nothing broken, although she was very banged up and had terrible bruising. We found out later that her life was spared by six inches. If her car had hit the tree six inches closer to her door…. We are grateful for God’s protection and that she is fine. But the overwhelm of emotions that I experienced was too much. I became numb, so that I would not be a complete basket case at my son’s wedding.

A Wedding

Our 19-year-old adopted son married his high school sweetheart the last Saturday in September. How does one prepare to give away a child in marriage? Especially a child who you only had the privilege of loving on for a few short years. I figured out that I was prepared to welcome our daughter-in-law into our family, but I was not prepared for the feelings of loss as I watched them say their vows and start their own family.

The rehearsal dinner that we hosted and the wedding went off without a hitch. We were so grateful for our family and friends who came around us and helped us with all the last minute details. We got to experience once again the value of community. Although we felt overwhelmed, they stepped in gave us the support and encouragement we needed to make our son’s wedding day as special and stress-free as possible.

Lessons from the Overwhelmed

So how did we survive? And what did we learn?

• Take one day at a time. Looking forward to that week was daunting. Every time I would try to prepare and process all of it, I would mentally shut down. So I took it day by day. I made my big lists of all that needed to get done and then I broke it down into smaller lists. Then I made to-do lists for each week and for each day. I made sure that I did not have too much on my list any given day. By doing this, I was able to get most things done on time, and not feel overwhelmed. I focused on the tasks for that day and did not allow myself to worry about anything else that had to get done.
• Savor each moment. You never know when your last day will be. You also never know when your next last good-bye will be. Take time with the ones you love and enjoy the moments you have. Even in the midst of crazy wedding prep, we made sure we took the time to enjoy our family and friends who came to celebrate with us. A few details not quite right is worth a few extra moments to hug a loved one.
• Don’t sweat the small stuff. There were so many things that were left undone until the very last minute. I had to constantly remind myself to stay focused only on the things that I was responsible for. When those little details presented themselves to me. I gave only a small amount of energy to them and then I let them go. They were not my responsibility and if they did not get done, oh well. In the end, nobody would really notice them. I learned to just let them go!

• Take time to recover. After the wedding, we pulled back into our shell, and let our family have some time to process and recover. For some, this recovery time will only take a few weeks. For us, it took several months. It does not help to try to rush recovery. As a mom with lots of little ones, it is very hard to sit still and let the household tasks go for a little bit. But I knew I needed to bond with my baby and let my body heal; otherwise, I would regret not holding my newborn, but the laundry would always be there. So I sat and let my baby stay on me. I did not watch the clock and just nursed on demand. I read books and cuddled little ones. Only the bare minimum was done to keep our home functioning. And I am so glad I did. I was able to process and prepare myself for our next big transition: entering the world of being a grandparent!

Now that we are on the other side of that crazy week and we have fully recovered, I would never want to repeat it. But I am grateful for the lessons I learned and for the people who walked through that time with us. The memories that we made, I will never forget and never regret!